I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
