are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
