I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
