she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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