He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
