I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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