I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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