I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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