woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Swine flu is the new snow day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
