i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
