If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
