Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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