When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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