I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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