your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
