life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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