it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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