You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
