i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
