Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
