3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
