you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
