I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
