i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
