Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
