i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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