I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
