just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
