DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
