allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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