Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
