Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
