i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
