I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
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Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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you are never too drunk for berry picking
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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