ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
