Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
