Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
