Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
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MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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