yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
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I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
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