the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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