I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
