i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
