You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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