I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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