Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
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I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
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