you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize