all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He felt like a one man threesome
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
