tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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