Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
