im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My feet surprised me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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