dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
