We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
