You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
