Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
