bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
