did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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