I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
