Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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