The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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