You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
