I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
