Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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