hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
