are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
