no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
