Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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