dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
