Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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