my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize