ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
