Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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