He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
