i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize