so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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