I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You did what with his pubic hair?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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