Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
