Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
