i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
