VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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