he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
