im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
