I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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