You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
