You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
