Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
