Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
