I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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