What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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