I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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