Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
