we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
